two eyes, two ears.

two days ago I had a very long talk with a middle-aged man, who spent quite a long time talking to me about fate, choice, destination, and decision.

he did mention about marriage and stuff, but he said nothing about the act of believing.

and I never believe in such a thing as “the act of believing”.

we are humans. we think based on our logics and sometimes feelings, or logics and feelings at the same time. there are people who tends to rely only on their logics, and there are also people who just relying on their feeling.

but yeah, however, we are humans. we do calculations for life, for making choices, for arousing the chance of gaining possibilities, even for making sense in creating ideas. I refuse to rely only on my feeling, because I’m a human. I’ve given this whole brain as a lifetime gift from The One Above, as well as heart.

that is why I never believe in things or promises or even good intentions without having to calculate them first. call me clumsy or brainy or heartless, call me whatever you want, but I still am a human. I think with my brain and I feel it with my heart, and I do that hand-in-hand.

and when this “only believing” thing arouse.. oh God I hate it so much. so very much that I write all this unorganized stuff while all I can think and all the words flowing in my head is written in English. shit. I hate it so much that I spent my 8 hours sleep dreaming about this stuff.

how can you, yes you, had me to believe in things without even let my logics take side? so I, along with my humanly pride, refused to believe. I am human, for God’s sake. I’m not that cheesy wheezy woman who is over-romantic and “logicless”, I am thinking along with my brain and heart alike.

but apparently you were right. and I was wrong. it appears that, yeah, I only had to believe.

well, I do not blame you at all. but you know what? it broke all my views, all my paradigms, all I’ve built as my own foundations to deal with choices and decision.

thank you. I’ll let go of this emotional feeling and I’ll make myself comfortable again with reality. thank you for slapping me right in my face.